You married him because he was different – in a complimentary way. And now that you have children, he wants a nanny who will teach your child science experiments using Petrie dishes and test tube kits, and you want a nanny who will let your child run barefoot under the backyard sprinklers. Disaster? No.

Sit down with your husband in what may end up being a series of meetings and air your differences for what you want in a nanny and child care. See if there are any things that you do agree on and make a list of those. That is the easy part and should be done first. Then make a list of disagreements, and decide which ones are really important to you and your spouse.

It is very significant to listen here. It is also significant for the man to realize that child rearing is traditionally a woman’s job because, biologically, she is equipped for this.

The apocryphal stories of women that gather bursts of unheard of strength to lift trucks off of their trapped children are based on truth. Women who are nursing will experience a “let down” sensation, which is the feeling in the body that many women get when their pituitary gland in their brain releases oxytocin, the chemical in the body that stimulates the milk glands and allows milk to “let down,” or flow from the milk ducts, to feed the baby. The “let down” sensation and reflex is initiated when the baby suckles the mother’s nipple. The nerves in the nipple send messages to the nursing mother’s brain that signal the pituitary gland to release oxytocin to let down the milk, and feed the baby.

However, women become psychologically conditioned in a Pavlovian way, to send their own brain signals to let down the milk – particularly if they hear their baby crying, their body responds with a let down of milk. Women’s instincts are meant for family survival. If your husband is truly evolved, he will understand this and not fight you on it.

Remember that with your new baby, your husband has been displaced. The child that you created together out of love is now your priority – and your body’s priority -- where before, he was. Sometimes men have reactions and acting out events that they don’t realize are stemming from their discomfort with being displaced in the family.