protect her because she
will get another job in another house, without your reference (there is always
someone willing to hire most people), and she will repeat the behavior. If you
are not responsible, other people will suffer as a result.
If you find that things are missing, and you are
sure that the nanny took them, immediately check your jewelry, your cash stash,
if you have one, and your credit cards and charges on them. Often, a nanny who
does steal may use your credit card to purchase things and ship them to a third
address that is not hers, so that you will not link her to the crime.
Nanny cams that survey goings on in the house when
you are not home are excellent ideas. Insurance for jewelry and other items in
your house are important.
The emotional betrayal that comes to a family when a
nanny who has been trusted with not just a household -- but a child -- is ruined
and can have long-lasting effects. It is hard to trust another nanny after a
nanny theft. It is hard to trust other people’s nannies after a nanny theft.
It is a harsh lesson for children to learn that
their nanny has been fired because she took things that didn’t belong to her.
It is also a sophisticated concept for children to understand. Many young
children are perpetrators as well as victims of playground “thefts” where they take
toys belonging to other children that don’t belong to them. If a child sees
that a nanny was fired for this behavior, he or she may be afraid that they,
too, will be “fired,” and made to leave a family.
Children will probably have some emotional reactions
when a nanny is fired. There will be some acting out, normally.
Children will
hit or bite other children. They may have nightmares. They may be clingy.
If your nanny is flirting with your husband, or your
husband is flirting with your nanny, you need to deal with the situation. The
first place to go is to your husband. Tell him what you are seeing, and how it
makes you feel. What you want to avoid is a situation where he is defensive.
Ideally, he will listen to your feelings, and tell you what he notices of his
own behavior and/or the nanny’s. He will either corroborate what you see and
validate your feelings, or he will deny seeing any flirting – on either side.
Tell him what you’d like from him. Be specific. Ask him to
try being extra professional with the nanny and see if it makes you feel
better. Check in with him a week later to tell him if you
feel better or the same or worse. Next, see a therapist about this problem. Ask
professional advice.
