and will be home at dinner time. Billy is lucky to have a nice nanny who likes to take him to play dates and make him grilled cheese sandwiches and color with him. What you are doing by saying this is introducing the idea of including a nanny in your household without replacing yourself.

The child will come to understand the process of hiring a nanny, and that although the nanny will be a valuable member of your family’s “team,” she is not your family. She has her own family and her own house, and she is very happy that this is her job, and you are very happy to include her as a nanny.

The advantages of not telling your child about the nanny hiring process until you have actually chosen a nanny and hired her, is that you shield the child from the uncertainty and the disruption of normal life that the “hunt” for a nanny brings into a household. Your stress about choosing a nanny, and any stress you still have about your uncertainty about leaving your child with a nanny, will probably be less pronounced if the child is not involved in the process. Your child is not given too much responsibility in the process that may cause anxiety, if he or she is not included.

Some kids want to be involved in the nanny selection process. Others are too overwhelmed by the entire concept to be able to be involved.

Disadvantages of including your child

The disadvantages of this tact are that the illusion of Tony Danza, Mary Poppins and Mrs. Livingston – all lifelong nanny family members who are around for years – is revealed. The child learns that not everyone in his or her life is an unconditionally loving person. Some people are paid employees who want a job as long as the pay is good, and if it isn’t, don’t want to stay and play. In effect, some people will quit a job that involves making your child’s grilled cheese sandwiches, because they want to make more money elsewhere.

Another disadvantage of including the child in the process is that the child may not understand, depending on his or her age, the difference between people who are in their lives temporarily and people who are in their lives constantly. In fact, it is a development milestone for many children to understand that when their mother, or their primary caregiver, goes away – whether it’s to bed at night in a separate room, or to the grocery store alone – that she will come back. “My Mommy Comes, Back,” is one of the fundamental songs that young children hear on television, videos and in pre-schools that help them understand the concept of separation. You must be the expert on whether or not your child is ready for this developmental step. If you need help, consult with your pediatrician, a child psychologist, or a pre-school director or teacher.